where am i from again
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
