Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
