"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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