We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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