In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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