so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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