and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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