In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
