are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Randomize
