take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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