dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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