I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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