You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize