I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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