"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
