so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
