So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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