I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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