You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
