How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
