yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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