Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
