Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
