It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize