My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So vagazzling was a success
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
