i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
