Screwed.edu
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Two words: nipple clamps
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