Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
