I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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