he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
