felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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