I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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