Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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