My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
