he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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