I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
