I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
