she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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