I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Send help, water and tortillas.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
