So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
