i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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