I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
