I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
