Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
