Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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