Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
