Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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