My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
