turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
