i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
