He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
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I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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