If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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