I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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