do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
