I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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