You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
