smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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