Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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