it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
