i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
