you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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