Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize