no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize