I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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